Speeding Ticket

[Viking Freddy]

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 120 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. 'There's no way they can catch a Mercedes,' he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 130, 140, 150, 160... before the reality of the situation hit him.

'What the **** am I doing?' he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

'It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go.'

The guy thinks for a second and says. 'Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.'

'Have a nice weekend.' said the officer.

[mousetrap]

Hi Viking Freddy - Very glad to know that you do not have any technical issues for the "MEMBERS FORUM" - MOUSETRAP

[Chris]

lol sorry, shouldn't laugh

(Mousetrap, hope we've sorted yours or are doing so now! let me know)

[mousetrap]

Hi Chris - You guys offer a great service and it is appreciated by all - many thanks.My problem was sorted in express time thanks again - mousetrap

[mirage078]

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your licence please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration document please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior Policeman slowly approaches the car.

Officer 2: C ould you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the boot of your car ?

The woman opens the boot , revealing nothing but an empty space.

Officer 2: Is this your car, Madam?

Older Woman: Yes, here is the registration document. The Policeman is quite perplexed

Officer 2: One of my men claims that you do not have a driving licence.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out her driving licence and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you Madam, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.





Don't Mess With Old Ladies